I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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