I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's Friday. Sex?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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