I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
