No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Farmville is her only friend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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