Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
