You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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