There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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