I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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