I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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