Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
