i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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