i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her