Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
