Just cropdusted the office
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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