I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
