it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
