my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
