that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
