I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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