The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
