i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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