whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
