Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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