So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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