I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
