was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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