you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
