He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm too high and old for this...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
