I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
