Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
