i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
