A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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