i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
