I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
