I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
