We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
