it hurts more in the daytime
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
