Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
