now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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