Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
