I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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