my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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