hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
