they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
