Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
