you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
