he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
