No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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