I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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