I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
