Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
