Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
