Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
