Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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