You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
