Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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