Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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