every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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