My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i would punch a child for taco bell
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
