If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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