Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
