Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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