dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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