so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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