the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
