there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
