So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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