Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
