dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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