I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
