before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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