he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
