OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
