if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
