i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
