I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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