i would punch a child for taco bell
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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