Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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