so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize