I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
