Please don't use social media to get back at me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
