Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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