Small penises have feelings too.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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