just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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