Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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