I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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